What Purpose Does Grief Serve?
Grief is painful, but it is not pointless. Psychologically and emotionally, grief helps the mind and heart reorganize reality after a meaningful loss. Grief also has an evolutionary function: it strengthens social bonds and promotes survival. If we felt no sense of loss, life would feel more expendable. In many cases, grief brings people together, enhancing feelings of connection and community.
1. Grief Honors Attachment
Grief is the echo of love and attachment. We grieve in proportion to how much someone or something mattered to us. In this sense, grief continues the bond and signals that the relationship was real and significant.
No attachment, no grief. Deep attachment, deep grief.
One purpose of grief is to bear witness to the value of what was lost.
2. Grief Helps the Psyche Update Reality
Loss creates a mismatch between the world as it is now and the world the mind still expects. Grief is the gradual process of reconciling those two realities. Each wave of grief helps integrate the truth that life has changed.
Without grieving, people can remain psychologically frozen or stuck in denial.
3. Grief Reorganizes Identity
Many losses affect not only our relationships but also our identity, roles, and imagined future. Grief often raises questions like, “Who am I now?” and “What does my life look like going forward?”
This is why grief can feel both existential and emotional. As Freud observed, "The shadow of the object fell upon the ego"—meaning that the absence of a loved one deeply affects the sense of self.
4. Grief Signals the Need for Support
Grief naturally draws others in when support is available. Sadness and vulnerability communicate that the burden should not be carried alone. From an evolutionary perspective, this likely strengthened social bonds and promoted survival.
5. Grief Can Deepen Meaning and Perspective
While grief should not be romanticized, it often clarifies priorities, increases empathy, and deepens appreciation for relationships and time. Many people find that grief reshapes their values and life perspective.
6. Grief Metabolizes Emotional Energy
Unprocessed grief rarely disappears. Instead, it may show up as numbness, anxiety, irritability, depression, or even physical symptoms. Grieving is a form of emotional digestion that allows the mind and body to process and release pain.
In Summary
Grief is the process by which love learns to live with absence.
Understanding the purpose of grief can make the experience less frightening and more meaningful. Grief is not a sign of weakness; it is a natural human response to loss. Sometimes grief can be suppressed or unconscious, making it less apparent. A psychoanalytic approach to therapy can help individuals process suppressed grief and restore emotional balance.