Trauma Recovery: Creating a Safe Relational Home for Emotional Pain
"If we are to be an understanding relational home for a traumatized person, we must tolerate, even draw upon, our own existential vulnerabilities so that we can dwell unflinchingly with his or her unbearable and recurring emotional pain."
"When we dwell with others’ unendurable pain, their shattered emotional worlds are enabled to shine with a kind of sacredness that calls forth an understanding and caring engagement within which traumatized states can be gradually transformed into bearable painful feelings."
— Robert Stolorow
The Transformation of Traumatic States
In my Manhattan practice, trauma therapy is not about simply "reliving" the past, but about providing a relational environment where pain that was previously unbearable can be integrated. By creating a "safe home" for these experiences, we move from fragmentation toward a more cohesive sense of self.
- Relational Dwelling: The therapist’s capacity to stay present with the patient’s most difficult emotions without turning away.
- From Traumatic to Bearable: The process of moving from overwhelming, "shattered" states to feelings that, while painful, can be managed and understood.
- Existential Vulnerability: Recognizing that healing occurs in the shared human experience of vulnerability and mutual attunement.
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