The Social Self vs. The Private Self: Navigating Identity and Approval
In The House of Mirth, Lily Bart’s mother teaches her daughter that society’s regard is everything... It makes sense that Lily is always looking in mirrors; she knows very well that the specular self is the social self, the one on which her life depends.
But there are two Lilys: the one ravenous for approval and security, who believes entirely in “the great gilt cage in which they were all huddled,” and another, more private one. When she disobeys society’s rules... she can feel it, “one drawing deep breaths of freedom and exhilaration, the other gasping for air in a little black prison-house of fears.”
— Melissa Febos, Girlhood
The Specular Self and Modern Identity
In our modern world, many feel trapped in a "gilt cage" of social expectations and digital mirrors. Psychotherapy aims to help individuals reconcile the social self with the private self, finding a sense of "freedom and exhilaration" that doesn't depend solely on the approval of others.
- The Mirror of Society: Understanding how we often build our identity based on how we think we are perceived.
- The Private Self: Cultivating the internal world that exists apart from social roles and external validation.
- Escaping the Prison-House: Identifying the fears that prevent us from acting with true autonomy and agency.
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