Managing Anxiety and Stress: The Power of Distanced Self-Talk

"When we use the word 'you,' it is almost exclusively to refer to other people, Dr. Kross said. But when you use it on yourself, it’s a tactic known as distanced self-talk, which can be a powerful way to regulate negative emotions."

"In a 2017 study, Dr. Kross and his colleagues found that people who used distanced self-talk to regulate their feelings showed improvement within seconds. So instead of saying 'I’m stressed out,' which may intensify the reaction, tell yourself 'you’re stressed out.' This creates a small psychological distance and can foster greater compassion and calm."

"This slightly unusual but simple linguistic shift can have meaningful effects," he writes.

A Practical Tool for Emotional Regulation

Insight-oriented psychotherapy works toward deep, lasting change, but immediate regulation tools are also valuable. Distanced self-talk is a simple, research-supported strategy that helps you step back from overwhelming emotion rather than being swept up in it.

• Creating Perspective: Using “you” or your own name can reduce the intensity of emotional reactions and interrupt spirals of worry.
• Encouraging Self-Compassion: Many people naturally respond more kindly to others than to themselves; this technique helps apply that same compassion inward.
• Reframing the Inner Dialogue: Subtle shifts in language can influence how the body and mind respond to stress.

In therapy, we integrate practical tools like this with deeper exploration, helping you build both immediate coping capacity and long-term emotional resilience.

← Back to General Practice Areas