Adolescent Behavioral Issues: Authority, Boundaries, and Emotional Containment
"We might say, then, that excessive behaviour reveals a failure of authority; that only children with weak parents are excessive. From a psychoanalytic point of view we might even say — in support of the law-and-order lobby — that when young people are being excessive they are unconsciously, without realizing it, trying to find strong, containing parents."
"Unruly adolescents, for example, can be thought of as needing to find out just how reliable, just how robust and impressive, the authorities really are. And even though this is an often useful account — that children are only as powerful as their parents let them be, and that there is nothing the child is more frightened of than being too powerful — there is something in this view that we need to notice."
— Adam Phillips
The Need for Containment
In my work with adolescents, young adults, and families in Manhattan, behavioral "acting out" is understood as communication rather than simply defiance. Often, a young person is testing whether their environment is steady enough to manage their feelings, impulses, and fears. When emotional intensity feels overwhelming, adolescents look for adults who can remain calm, firm, and present.
- Testing Boundaries: Exploring whether parents, caregivers, or therapists can remain reliable and steady in the face of challenge.
- Emotional Holding: Creating a space where strong feelings can be expressed without fear of rejection or collapse.
- Building Internal Limits: Helping adolescents develop a sense of safety and self-control that comes from consistent, thoughtful boundaries.
Therapy supports both adolescents and parents in understanding the meaning behind behaviors, reducing conflict, and strengthening the emotional connection that makes real change possible.
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